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Interpersonal Communication
Quantitative Definition
Interpersonal communication
is the communication between two human beings. It is also called
dyadic communication.
Four Groups of Dyads
people we are close to and communicate constantly
people we are not close to but have to communicate constantly
people we are close to but do not get to communicate very often
people who are strangers to us and we communicate just occasionally
Qualitative Definition
Interpersonal communication
focuses on the communication frequently conducted and emphasizes the irreplaceable
nature of the dyadic relationship.
Definition by Types
Relationship of Circumstances: You are born into a certain interpersonal
relationship network. You
can call it fate if you want.
Relationship of Choice: You can decide to have or nor to have certain relationships.
Relationship of the above two combined: A mixture
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Communication and Self
Components of Self
Material Self:
tangible things you have or own to represent yourself
Social Self:
the part of you that interact with other people
Spiritual Self:
introspection about your values, beliefs, and attitudes
Introspection of Self
Values: enduring
concepts of right and wrong, bad or good, moral or immoral
Beliefs: ways
of structuring the reality - what is true or false
Attitudes: a
learned predisposition - favorable or unfavorable
Sources of Forming Self
Interaction
with individuals
Association
with groups
Roles you assume
Self-labels
Self-esteem and Communication
All of our communication messages must pass through the self-concept. We
tend to put forth more confident,more objective, realistic messages when
we have a positive self concept.
How you view yourself influences the way you treat other people.
That in turn influences how you will be treated.
If you
constantly have problems in all kinds of relationships, calm down and start
with the reviewing of your self-concept, especially your self-esteem.
Improving Your Self-Esteem
Self-talk
Re-framing /
Visualization
Developing honest
relationships
Letting go of
the past
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Perception of Communication
Perception
Definition: The perception process involves selecting, organizing, and
interpreting stimuli in our environment.
Elements
of Definition
Selecting: interests, motivation, and circumstances, etc.
Simplifying: perceptual filters - important or unimportant
Categorizing: mental print and structuring
Formation of Impressions
Communicators form
general Impressions using these constructs one or more at a time:
physical construct
psychological construct
moral construct
talent/intellectual construct
membership construct
Another Set of Constructs
(Burgoon & Hale, 1987; McCrosky
& Teven, 1999)
Character: reliable, honest, moral
Competence: knowledge, skills, talents - abilities in general
Composure: in control or not upon ones manners and emotions
Implicit
Personality Theory
In perceiving others people tend to form a pattern of associated qualities
based on one perceived
quality. For example the quality of being "warm" can cause the assocation
of being "nice",
"friendly", and "smart", etc.
Halo effect: the rosy glasses
Horn effect: the dark glasses
Primary effect & Recency effect
Sets of Attractiveness
Physical Attractiveness
Social Attractiveness
Task Attractiveness
Convenience Attractiveness:
Similarities Attractiveness
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Interpersonal Needs
Inclusion
Belonging: To associate with others in social institutions
Participating: To include others in our activities and to be included in
theirs
Issues
in Inclusion
Extroverted: strong needs for togetherness and acceptance
Introverted: tend to withdraw from interactions and to be alone
Balance inclusion and solitude: a dialectical tension
Affection
To give affection
to others and receive it from them: to love and to be loved
Behaviors of
Affection: to be rewarding, generous, supportive, cooperative, sympathetic,
warm, or sensitive
Control
to exert control with others and have them control us
Need to differentiate control in the sense of power dominance versus control
in the sense
of personal influence
The Structure of Relationship
Symmetrical Relationships:
exchange the same sort of behavior
- mirror or echo each other
Complementary Relationships
exchange different and complementary
sorts of behaviors
Masculine and Feminine Needs
Masculine needs tend to value instrumental behavior, emphasize individual
achievement, and focus on activities
Feminine needs tend to value affective behavior, emphasize relationships,
and focus on communication
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Personality Traits and Communication
Description of Traits
Traits
are relatively enduring characteristics
of an individual that
predispose us to respond in
certain patterns.
Consistency of Traits
Traits
are pre-dispositions to patterns
of responses across situations.
Generalization is possible. Traits appear to have roots in genetics.
E.g., Male infants born
with higher levels of testosterone
(C19H28O2)
Dynamics of Traits
People
can change socially. Certain
traits may be punished and
therefore minimized. Other
traits are actually made stronger
and enhanced by societal reinforcement.
Types of Traits in Communication
Affective Orientation:
how much we are aware, value, and use
our emotions as guides in communicating
and making
decisions.
Aggressive Orientation:
to attack the self-concept of another person with the intent to cause psychological
pain
Manipulative
Orientation:
Manipulators will prefer games than straightforward conversations.
They have more
difficulty trusting
others.
Tolerance for
Ambiguity
Some people want a great deal of structure and guidance in their lives.
Other people
live quite happily with uncertainty and a general lack of planning.
Conscientiousness
Highly conscientious
people are dependable and responsible. They follow through what they
say.
Low conscientious
people tend to be self-centered and enact behaviors that will benefit themselves
regardless of the consequences.
Locus of Control
Internal locus
of control: We control our lives, we are in charge, and we can make things
happen.
External locus
of control: We are controlled from outside, external forces.
Communication Apprehension
Shyness:
Fear and inhibition
in response to social or public communication
Usually with observable
verbal or nonverbal behaviors
Love-shyness:
severe anxiety and
fear of communication with the opposite sex. The anxiety is so extreme
that it has totally inhibited formation of adult romantic relationships.
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Relationship Development
(Knapp, M. (1978).
Social intercourse: From greeting to good-bye. Boston: Allyn &
Bacon.)
Coming Together
Stages - five stages
Falling Apart
Stages - five stages
Coming Together
Initiating - Do you want to get to know me? Positive and reciprocal
verbal and nonverbal
actions and behaviors
Experimenting - the screening process: whether potential partners or friends
are compatible,
interesting, or have similar values.
Intensifying - choose one partner over other potential partners; intimate
verbal and nonverbal
behaviors
Integrating - merge and become alike with each other: manners, social circles,
material possessions,
values, & beliefs
Bonding - publicly communicates the relational commitments
Falling Apart
Differentiating - Re-establish individuality: a necessary step in maintaining
healthy relationship,
but can be negative and threatening if not handled well
Circumscribing - cautious and protective: keeping communication to safe
areas
Stagnating - Nothing new is brought up: old past experiences and routine
daily events
Avoiding - physically and psychologically avoid being in contact with the
partner
Terminating - What does it mean to end a relationship?
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Affinity Seeking
Importance of Relationships
Well-being
of human beings
Happiness
Success
Practical
Functions
Definition
( Bell & Daly, (1984).
The affinity-seeking function of communication. Communication Monographs,
51, 91-115.)
Affinity-seeking
skills are communicative strategies we enact to encourage people to be
socially attracted to us.
Affinity-Seeking Strategies
Assume familiarity
- shared information or experience
Competence
display - make the accomplishments known
Dependence
- reliant on the other in order to flatter or engage in communication
Disclosure
- communicate personal information
Dynamism -
be active and enthusiastic around you
Elicit self
- disclosure - encourage you to disclose
Facilitate
enjoyment - being entertaining: plan activities for your pleasure
Giving goods
- gifts of small value
Helpfulness
- provide service
Inclusion
- include you in social activities or circles
Inclusion
of the self - tries to be included in your activities
Physical attractiveness
- look and dress attractively around you
Nonverbal
immediacy - smiling, distance, eye-contact, etc.
Verbal affection
- words of liking/loving
Praise - Compliments
upon your appearances, skills, possessions, or personality
Similarities
- similar tastes and attitudes
Small talks
- chats at length to spend time with you
Supportive
- stand up for you or defend you
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Nonverbal Communication
Definition
Nonverbal communication
is all the way we communicate other than with words (written or spoken).
Physical Appearance
Having benefits
in the educational, organizational, legal settings, and social settings
May have difficulty
in convincing others that they are really capable
Body Language
The study of
the use of body language in communication: kinesics
Gestures
Postures
Body movement
Facial Expressions & Eye
Behavior
In our society
eye contact between communicators is viewed positively.
Facial management
techniques are used extensively in interpersonal interactions to increase
or decrease or mask emotions.
Paralanguage
To communicate
specific message through vocal varieties: tone of voice, volume, pitch,
rate, pauses, or even silence
Space
American culture:
Intimate space:
0 - 18
Personal space:
18 - 4ft.
Social space:
4ft - 8ft
Public space:
8ft - 12ft
Territoriality
Primary
Secondary
Public
Touch
Instrumental
touch
Social touch
Friendship
& Intimate touch
Importance
of touch
Time
Circadian rhythms
(body time)
Socially appropriate
time
Time can indicate
status, importance, respect
Artifacts
Environment
or setting
Music
Lighting
Colors
Things in general
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Verbal Communication
Meaning of Language
Denotative Meaning
Connotative Meaning
Meanings are pragmatically interpreted (content message cf. with relational
message).
Words Used to Hurt
Yes we have free speech in America, but there are some things you cannot
say due to the direct harm they cause.
Defame other people with words
Scream fire in a crowd
Incite someone else to assault an individual
Hurtful Messages
Intentionally use words to make
a relational partner suffer emotionally or psychologically
---ridicule
or insult a persons feelings, race/ethnicity, value
--- humiliating
the person
--- threatening
to do harm to the person
Efficiency or Inefficiency in
Speaking
Hesitations
Hedges
Tag Questions
Intensifier
Disclaimers
Contextual and Situational Effects
Context Effects: workplace, classroom, public place, or your private place
Source effects: who is talking to you
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Self-Disclosure
Definition
Self-disclosure
is to intentionally reveal personal information about yourself that other
people probably wouldnt know if you didnt disclose it to them.
Functions (Reasons) of Self-disclosure
Catharsis - Expressive
Clarification
Relationship building
Impression management
Social control
Manipulation (to hurt)
Appropriate Self-Disclosure
Trust
Setting and timing
Appropriate to the relationship and its development
Reciprocation
Constructive outcome
Jane Juska. (2003). A Round-heeled Woman. New York; Villard. P. 271:
Willa Cather says, "Human
relationships are the tragic necessity of human life; they can never be
wholly satisfatory, every ego is half the time greedily seeking them, and
half the time pulling away from them."
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Listening for Relationship
Empathetic Listening
Empathetic Listening, listening for others sake, reinforces the strength
for the relationship.
The surface message may be less important than the underlying feelings
or attitudes of the source.
Importance of Listening in Conversation
Listening is crucial in making successful conversation. E.g turn
taking, perceived interests of
the topic.
Empathetic listening in relationship needs to be reciprocal between partners.
Perception in Listening
Perception is selective so the interpretation in listening can be biased.
Listening often comes with pre-disposition
SOLER: Listening Competence (i)
S = face the person squarely.
O = Keep an open body position.
L = Lean toward the person.
E = Maintain eye contact.
R = Relax
Verbal Backchanneling: Listening
Competence (ii)
Ask questions
Clarify or prompt to help the speaker
Dont interrupt the speaker
Check your perception
Vary the verbal response
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Emotions in Communication
Components of Emotions
Physiological:
e.g. heart rate, respiration, etc
Nonverbal manifestation:
e.g. clenching fists, fast gestures
Cognitive interpretation:
mental reaction to identify the process - What kind of emotion
am I experiencing?
Transient Feature of Emotions
People dont
stay at one emotion (e.g. angry or happy) with a person for very long without
repeated cognitive reminders. We feed our own emotions.
Emotional Conditioning
Voluntarily or involuntarily
we have cues or clues in the environment that remind us of certain emotions.
Emotions & Behaviors
Emotions motivate
behaviors
Emotions dont
always translate directly into behaviors.
Affective Orientation (AO)
People vary
in how much they consider their emotions in their decision-making.
Higher AO people
tend to be more conversationally sensitive to others, aware of undercurrents
in interactions.
Effective Emotion Communication
Name it
- Give a label to your emotion
Own it - You
control yourself: You are responsible for it.
Locate it -
know how, when, & under what circumstance an emotion occurs
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Social Exchange Theory
Definition
Social exchange
theory focuses on the equilibrium between rewards and costs in an interpersonal
relationship.
Rewards and Costs
Rewards are anything in a relationship
that makes it positive or that your want repeated.
Relationship costs are anything
that is negative or that you do not want repeated in a relationship.
Categories of Rewards and Costs
Love or affection
Goods or materials
Services
Information
Status
Money
Rewards and Costs Assessment
Past experiences
Current alternatives
Individual preference
or bias
Anticipated
future outcomes
Repetition of
costs and rewards: is there consistency
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Relationship at Work
Work and Social Relationships are different in
Principles for Coworker Relationship
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Assertive Communicaton vs. Dominance
Dominance
Dominance is
perceived ability of one person to shape, control, or direct the feelings
or behavior of another person in relationship.
Relational Dominance
The principle
of least interest
The principle
of most alternatives
The principle
of resource control
Interactional Dominance
Volume
Interruption
Dominate the
floor of conversation
Contradictions
or disagreement
Topic shift
Assertive Communication
To be assertive
is to communicate your own thoughts and feelings with the consideration
of another persons right
To be aggressive
is to communicate your own thoughts and feelings at the expense of others
rights.
Verbal Component of Assertion
Empathy: understand
another persons position or how he/she feels
Rationale: a
reasonable explanation of actions and behaviors yours and the partners
Action: what
you want to be done
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Conflict Management
Sources of Conflicts
differing goals
differing ways of achieving goals
differing interpersonal needs
different behavioral expectations
Types of Conflicts
Simple conflicts: different goals, needs, ways, information,etc.
Value conflicts: different beliefs and values
Ego conflicts: impacting on ones defensive mechanism
Toxic Expressions of Conflicts
Avoidance
Direct Aggression - Erupting, belt-lining, kitchen-sink fighting, hit and
run
Passive Aggression - gunny-sacking, crazy-making (push buttons)
Conflict Resolution
desire to maintain the relationship
eliminate any win-lose orientation
willing to consider alternatives
understanding that not all conflicts are destructive
Fair Fighting
both parties to follow the rule
sufficient and appropriate time for discussion
describe the problematic issue and behavior
Take responsibilities for your behavior
check perception
express positive effect